


(Un)Happy Surprises

by beaglesinbowties (Girlblunder)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Comedy, Drama, F/F, Mild Sexual Content, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-06-02 07:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6556888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Girlblunder/pseuds/beaglesinbowties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex comes home from college to work for the summer. She's not upset that she's alone for the summer, nope - in fact she wishes she could be alone when she discovers an unanticipated house guest.</p><p>Why does she have the worst luck?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Totally unbeta'd. I kind of hurried this one out as a bit of a refresher while writing out an unrelated multichapter fic. My apologies for any glaring mistakes. This one is, again, thanks to the votes of my patrons. :D

* * *

Alex groans as she parks her car in her parents’ driveway. There’s a car she doesn’t recognize in her dad’s spot, and she’s not looking forward to telling whomever it is that her parents are gone for most of the summer. On a cruise. With her best friend’s parents. And her best friend.

_“When I asked you three weeks ago, you said no.”_

_Alex scowls and grips her phone tighter. “Yeah, well that was before I knew Kara had already said yes.”_

_There’s a drawn out sigh on the other end of the line; she can practically hear her mother frown._

_“Well I’m sorry Alexandra, I can’t book you last minute. They’re full. Maybe next time you won’t turn down time with your parents so quickly,” Eliza says sharply._

_Though Alex is still mad, she knows it’s not really her mom’s fault. “It just sucks, I’m going to be alone all summer.”_

_Eliza sighs again, but this one is softer. “I’m sorry, honey. It’s only a few weeks and then we’ll be back. There will be plenty of time for you and Kara to get into trouble.”_

Though she normally sees Kara several times a week on campus, the last month had been hectic for both of them with coursework and studying for finals.

Alex had stewed for hours after discovering they’d gotten their wires crossed about the cruise. Kara had even offered to stay, but there was no way Alex was making her give up a Caribbean cruise just because Alex was being a baby. Kara needed the time away after a messy break up.

As Alex exits her car and moves around to grab her large duffel, she admits to herself that it still sucks for her. They only have a couple of semesters left before graduation, and Alex isn’t sure where she’ll end up with her degree. Kara has her eye on some internship in National City, but Alex has offers in two other states besides California.

It’s a lonely thought, considering that she and her best friend might not live in the same city in a year’s time. She pushes the thought away and grumbles at the red sporty sedan. Someone is about to be on the receiving end of a very polite ‘fuck off’.

There’s no one waiting at the front. Alex is puzzled, but it’s way too hot to stay outside wondering. She shrugs and tests the doorknob, finding that it’s locked.

“Huh. Guess someone just parked here,” she mumbles to herself as she unlocks the door. Her parents had parked their cars in the garage in anticipation of the several weeks away, but maybe it belonged to Kara’s parents.

She opens the door with a low hum, looking forward to the blast of the AC. After locking the door behind her and taking a few steps into the foyer, she’s startled to realize the TV is on in the living room.

Quietly she sets her bag down, adjusting her keys in her hand so they can be used as a weapon if need be. She proceeds cautiously down the long hallway, ignoring the happy photos that line the white walls.

She takes a breath before peeking into the living room entryway, dropping her keys in surprise when she spots her unexpected company.

“Astra?” she squeaks out.

The auburn haired woman that’s sprawled out over the long couch straightens and smiles. “Alex!” she declares with a smile.

Alex’s eyes narrow. _That fucking dimple._

“Hey, uh, my mom didn’t tell me anyone else was going to be here,” she says gruffly. Her mind is racing because _how could this summer get any worse_?

Astra stands and adjusts her babydoll t-shirt, which has risen from her time on the couch. “She didn’t? Well I guess it was kind of last minute - she just told me this morning I could stay here. Is that going to be a problem?”

 _Yes_ , Alex wants to say. However if her mom already told Kara’s aunt yes then it would be rude of her to say no. She clears her throat, unhappy but trying not to show it. “Why do you need to stay here? I thought you bought a house over off of 4th.”

“I did, but it needed some work done on it. A _lot_ of work, actually,” Astra says as she carefully rounds the couch. By her dimming smile, Alex can tell she’s done a poor job of hiding her discomfort.

Alex forces herself to shrug. “The house is big. No reason we both can’t stay here.”

Astra looks like she’s about to say something so Alex turns on her heel and takes quick strides toward her room. Just because she’s agreed to share a roof with this woman, it doesn’t mean she has to socialize.

Her door shuts behind her with a quiet snick, and she swiftly twists the lock into place. She’s relieved to be in her own space and away from Astra. It’s only when she’s flopped over on her bed that she remembers she left her duffel in the entryway.

“Crap,” she mutters as she sits up. There’s a knock on her door a second before she reaches it, and Alex shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot before unlocking and opening it.

“You forgot this,” Astra says helpfully as she points to the gray-green duffel that is resting against her legs.

Alex clears her throat, avoiding looking directly at Astra’s face. “Thanks,” she mutters as she tugs the bag away and tries to ignore both Astra and the heat she’s feeling in her cheeks.

“No problem.”

Alex risks a glance up and instantly regrets it when she sees that Astra is smiling at her again.

“Well, later.” Her heart is pounding when she closes the door on Astra’s smiling face. Alex _really_ hates Astra, and she’s pretty pissed her mom didn’t give her any warning. Of course, knowing her mom, that had been intentional.

_“I just don’t understand why you can’t get along with her, Alexandra. She’s a perfectly lovely woman.”_

“Yeah, perfectly lovely,” Alex mumbles. _So fucking lovely that I, for some incredibly stupid reason, have developed the weirdest goddamn crush on her._

Logically, it made about zero sense. Astra was identical twins with Kara’s mom, and Alex had never felt even the tiniest flicker of anything for Alura. Alura was such a _mom_ \- but Astra? She was about as cool as they came. As a photographer, she’d been all over the world. She loved things like rock climbing, kayaking, and mountain biking. Alex found her insanely attractive.

She wishes she’d asked how long Astra needs to stay, silently hoping that Astra wouldn’t be here the full time her parents are away.

She takes some comfort in the knowledge that she’d be out most days working the job her buddy Sue’s dad had hooked her up with at his landscaping company. She won’t be stuck here hanging out at the pool with _Astra_ ; Alex still hasn’t forgotten Astra’s tiny blue bikini from two summers ago.

She’ll be fine if she can just...stay away. Yes, away. Away is good.

* * *

 

Her plan works for a few days, but when she’s sent home early from work because of the heat and a nasty dizzy spell, she finds she can’t avoid her temporary roommate any longer.

“Hey, you don’t look so great,” Astra says the moment Alex steps foot into the kitchen.

Alex rubs at the back of her neck and looks away. “Ah, yeah. Had some trouble with the heat at work.”

Astra frowns. “I was just making myself a sandwich, let me make you one as well.”

Though Alex is tempted to say no, she _is_ hungry and more than a little dizzy. “Yeah, okay.”

Astra’s brows arch for a brief second, but then she’s back in motion. “I...kinda thought you were going to say no.”

Alex’s lips twitch. “Well, I’m pretty hungry.”

Astra laughs, low and smooth. Her head bobs in amusement once as she swiftly assembles a second sandwich. “You must be.”

The intonation makes Alex feel guilty. She licks her lips and takes a seat at the dining table that’s situated off to the left. “It’s not that I hate you or anything, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Astra replies placidly. She doesn’t stop what she’s doing. “It’s kind of hard to tell when you brush me off every chance you get.”

Alex isn’t sure she could feel any worse. “It’s not like, I mean,” she huffs out a breath, frustrated at her inability to at least come up with some half-decent excuse.

“It’s fine,” Astra says as she sets a plate down in front of Alex, followed by a tall glass of water. “Eat. Drink. I’ll do the same. Then if you want to continue your existence ignoring mine, it’s fine. If you want to hang out a bit though, I just picked out a bunch of movies and junk food and I fully intend to binge watch on the comfort of your parents’ ridiculously comfortable leather couch.”

The offer doesn’t penetrate Alex’s mind at first, distracted as she is by consuming the well-crafted sandwich. “What kind of movies?” she asks around a mouthful of smoked turkey.

Astra leans forward, an odd gleam in her eye. “The worst B horror movies money can buy.”

Alex stares. “Zombies?”

“And sharks. Giant spiders that look like they’re made out of pipe cleaners.” Astra’s awed delivery pulls Alex in like a siren’s call.

“I’ll make the popcorn,” Alex agrees as she hurriedly finishes her sandwich.

* * *

 

Watching movies with Astra proves to be...not bad.

It helps that each movie proves to be more ridiculous than the last.

So, yeah, maybe she feels tingles whenever their hands actually brush in the popcorn bowl. _Maybe_ she’s kind of addicted to the sound of Astra’s laughter - but for once Alex feels like these reactions are under control.

Astra laughs so hard that she has trouble breathing and her head lands on Alex’s shoulder. Alex tries not to tense, but the scent of Astra’s shampoo - sweet and a little spicy - proves to be too much.

She makes her excuses for the night soon after that, assuring Astra that she’s fine, if just a little tired. That night before settling down for sleep, she applauds herself for not being weird around Astra. Maybe she might even get over the stupid crush by the time the summer ends.

* * *

 

They end up hanging out most nights after that for the next week and a half, and Alex isn’t really sure if her crush is getting any better or worse. Either way, she’s found she actually really likes Astra - and not just in the ‘wow she’s so hot’ way.

Astra is funny and smart, and kind of a nerd. She’d almost lost her mind when Alex had revealed her secret stash of Star Wars memorabilia.

The memory makes Alex smile as she vigorously pulls some weeds out from around one of the large oak trees in the backyard. She’d been restless after getting an extra day off of work, and decided her parents’ property could use a little TLC.

The sliding door to the patio opens, and she calls out a greeting without looking away from her task. “Hey.”

She frowns down at a particularly stubborn weed, frustrated that its roots run deeper than she’d anticipated. “Damn weeds,” she grumbles under her breath as she yanks harder. Too hard, when the weed suddenly springs free and she accidentally stabs herself with one of the thicker stalks. It doesn’t really hurt, but she’s annoyed all the same.

It hits her that Astra hasn’t really said anything - or had Alex just missed it? She turns and stands, depositing her fistful of weeds in the bin she’d brought out just for that. Astra is sitting a few feet away on one of the pale lounge chairs wearing a white tank top and khaki shorts, a frown on her face as she stares at a point just past Alex.

“Hey,” Alex says again as she tugs her gardening gloves off, “is everything okay?”

Astra shakes her head and blinks, glancing only briefly at Alex before looking away. “Yeah, everything’s fine. Just feeling a little...off today, or something.”

Concern makes Alex step forward, and she brushes a hand to Astra’s forehead without thinking. She’s upset when Astra pulls away almost instantly, tucking her hands into the pockets of her cutoff denim shorts and taking a step backward. “Sorry,” she mumbles.

“No, it’s,” Astra sighs and looks away.

“It’s cool,” Alex says with a shrug as she fights her embarrassment. She’s obviously gotten _too_ comfortable around Astra, but she’d just been worried.

Astra looks up to say something, but she ends up frowning. “You’re bleeding.”

“Huh?” Alex is confused, but she remembers that her decision to weed had been a spur of the moment decision - she only had an old t-shirt with the sleeves ripped out on over her bikini top.

She remembers hitting herself earlier and curses her own clumsiness. A quick look shows a jagged scratch that’s a little deeper than she thought, but the bleeding has already stopped. “Ah, nah. This is fine,” she says with her hands still in her pockets.

Astra rolls her eyes. “Come on,” she says as she reaches out and tugs at Alex’s wrist, turning and tugging a reluctant Alex along as she stands and leads the way back inside.

“I can take care of this myself you know,” Alex mumbles some moments later when Astra is carefully cleaning the cut. They’re crowded in front of the bathroom sink where Astra has commandeered a bottle of peroxide and some cotton balls.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sure you weren’t going to just ignore it for the rest of the day or anything,” Astra says flatly.

Alex blushes and looks away. “It’s just a small cut.”

Astra snorts and shakes her head. “Small cuts can lead to big nasty infections.”

There’s a knowing quality to the words that makes Alex curious. “You find that out the hard way?”

“Something like that,” Astra says. She’s focusing so intently on the scratch that Alex begins to worry it’s a lot worse than it seems. She glances at the cut. It looks harmless.

“I--” she abruptly stops when she looks at Astra again.

Astra is still staring at the cut, but…

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Alex asks when she notices the frantic and visible pulse at her neck.

“I’m fine,” Astra says sharply as she looks up, “how many times do I - oh.”

Alex finds breathing difficult when their eyes meet and Astra apparently loses her train of thought. They’re close - too close. Astra’s hand is warm on her arm, and Alex’s eyes droop when she feels Astra’s thumb begin to softly brush back and forth over her skin. Goosebumps prick at her skin.

“Sorry,” Alex whispers a moment before she slowly leans forward. Her heart is pounding in her ears and she’s terrified that Astra will pull away in the scant second it takes her to lean forward - but Astra doesn’t move and then their lips are pressed delicately together.

Astra sways into the contact, and Alex sucks in a desperate breath through her nose. She moves her mouth softly and carefully, intent on savoring the moment and the feel of Astra’s lips against her own.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” Astra says softly once the kiss ends. Their faces are still close, and Alex is distracted by the feel of Astra’s warm breath against her face.

“No?” she asks.

“No,” Astra repeats, though she still hasn’t moved away.

“Okay,” Alex says before she closes the miniscule distance between them and kisses Astra again.

One kiss becomes three, and Alex feels dizzy the first time Astra’s bottom lip slides so perfectly between her own. She nibbles at it once, her hands bracing against the counter and wall when they stumble.

Astra’s back is to the wall, and Alex scoots them closer to it to prevent them from falling over. She moans when their bodies make full contact, the vibrant life of Astra’s heat penetrating the thin layers of fabric between them. Her thigh settles between Astra’s legs, nudging gently against an even greater heat as she greedily kisses the side of Astra’s neck.

“Oh God,” Astra gasps when Alex nips at a tender spot under her jaw. “Alex, we have to stop.”

Though Alex is addicted to the scent and feel of Astra’s skin after only a few brief moments, the words penetrate her fog of arousal. She pants softly against Astra’s skin as she tries to regain control, struggling further when she feels Astra shiver.

“Right,” Alex says as she takes a careful step back. She looks away, afraid to see the look of regret on Astra’s face.

“Alex,” Astra coaxes in a gentle voice.

Alex takes another step back, her hands sliding into her pockets. “Well, I’ve got more stuff to d--”

“Alex,” Astra repeats as she moves forward and places a careful hand on Alex’s forearm.

Despite her every intent not to, Alex looks at Astra. She swallows as a flicker of hope grows. Astra looks - maybe a little overwhelmed, but there’s a smile on her face.

“Maybe we should talk?” Alex asks after a moment.

Astra looks relieved. Her hand slides down to Alex’s. “I’d like that. This is - too fast, okay? Let’s just sit down and...talk.”

Alex turns her hand and smiles when Astra tangles their fingers together. “Okay, yeah. That sounds good.”

She leads the way out to the living room, on cloud nine despite the fact that she and Astra are no longer kissing. Yeah, she’s had a crush on Astra for _ages_ , but she also just really _likes_ her.

As Astra settles down next to her on the couch and smiles, Alex feels euphoric.

Yeah, talking is a good start. To what? She doesn’t know - but she does have a few ideas.

“Alex,” Astra says with a little laugh when she catches Alex staring.

Alex grins. She _loves_ that dimple.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many people wanted more to this story. Be careful what you wish for. ♥
> 
> Written for "They do exist!" Thursdays.

* * *

“Alex!” comes the excited squeal as soon as she crosses the threshold of the deli.

The chuckle begins before Alex realizes it, and she welcomes the hug Kara initiates.

“Oof, try not to crack my ribs, huh?” Alex murmurs, prompting the hug to end. They smile at each other.

“I’m just so happy to see you.” Kara’s grin looks almost painful, and her blue eyes seem to dance with merriment.

Alex returns the smile, but arches her eyebrows. “You literally saw me yesterday. Honestly, love has made you so _gross_.”

“Whatever, you love it,” Kara murmurs as she reaches out to guide Alex to their table. “Besides, you have to admit Lucy looks _amazing_ in uniform. Who wouldn’t be happy, getting to see that every day?”

Though Alex silently agrees, she feels a pang of envy. Kara had finally found someone after years of searching; if anyone deserves love, it’s Kara, but Alex can’t help but wish she’d find someone, too. She reaches out to pinch Kara’s arm once they sit.

“You’re right, but you don’t have be so sickeningly saccharine about it. You’ll ruin my appetite.” Alex picks up a menu, debating between a few of her normal choices. National City Deli might have an unimaginative name, but it’s always trying out new menu items - no doubt why it’s Kara’s favorite sandwich place.

“Say whatever you want, Alex Danvers, but I grew up with you. I know you love the cheesy romances as much as I do.”

Alex makes a face and mimics Kara, laughing when she receives a solid smack to the arm. She hums and decides a nice chicken avocado sandwich is just what she needs. “I don’t think anyone can love cheesy romances as much as you. You’re like, obsessed.”

The arrival of the waiter saves Alex from any further smacks, and they both put on a good show of being mature adults as the man takes their order.

“So,” Kara says once they’re alone again, “I have some interesting news. My Aunt Astra is in town. She asked about you.”

Blindsided, Alex can only clench her teeth. She counts silently to herself to soothe the confusing mix of anger and sadness away. “Good for her.”

She tries to resist the memories, but they come back anyway. It had been a near perfect summer spent reveling in new feelings and possibility with a woman she’d long had an embarrassing crush on.

But the summer had ended eventually, and so had her (could she even call it a relationship?) relationship with Astra.

“I know you’ve never gotten along with her, but I’ve never understood _why_.”

Alex knows by the silence that Kara is staring, but she won’t answer. She can’t. No one had ever known about her brief tumultuous relationship with Astra.

Kara makes a noise of frustration in her throat, and then the waiter’s back with their drinks. “I really wish you two could work it out. She’s my favorite aunt, and you’re my best friend. I love you both so much.”

“She’s your _only_ aunt,” Alex deflects sourly, ducking her head down to sip at her drink to avoid saying more.

The only response to her words is an aggrieved sigh, and they’re quiet until their sandwiches are delivered.

“Sorry,” Alex finds herself saying. Kara is one of the most important people in the world to her, and she doesn’t like making her friend feel unhappy. It’s not Kara’s fault that she doesn’t know the truth, or that Alex isn’t in a place to reveal it.

“Me too,” Kara says, “I know it’s a sore subject. I just…”

“I know.”

Alex reaches out to squeeze Kara’s hand, because it’s true. Kara always wants to fix things, especially when it concerns people she loves. It’s one of the things that Alex admires about her.

The moment is ruined when Kara steals a handful of Alex’s chips.

“Hey, you’ve got your own damn chips, keep your grubby hands off mine!”

Kara only laughs, and the last of the tension between them dissolves.

*

Later that evening when Alex is outside her apartment complex and tugging her keys out of her pocket, she supposes she should be happy that Kara had brought up the touchy subject earlier in the day. Because, really, it’s her only warning when she finds Astra waiting on her stoop.

“Landlord doesn’t like loiterers,” Alex snaps once she remembers how to speak.

Astra looks just like she remembers her, snug in worn jeans and a faded v-neck. If there’s new lines on Astra’s face, Alex doesn’t see them.

It would be easier if Astra had let herself go, or dyed her hair purple...or something.

Alex continues to her door like nothing’s wrong.

“Alex, please. I just want to talk.”

That does make Alex pause in turning her key in the lock. Her shoulders are stiff, but she doesn’t turn around, even trying to avoid looking at Astra’s reflection on the glass door. “I’d say you’re about five years too late.”

Alex wishes she could say shutting the door behind her - locking Astra out figuratively as well as literally - is satisfying, but instead she just feels strangely hollow.

The two months they’d been together (and everything after Alex isn’t sure what to describe them as) really shouldn’t mean that much to her, not after so much time and living in so many places.

She tucks her hands in her pockets as she makes her way to the elevator, mind still working as the elevator slowly ascends.

In the end she’d moved all the way to New York after graduating, trying to get away from Astra and all memories of her. She hadn’t lasted long, missing her friends and family and _home_. New York was just too different, and it was exceptionally hard being away from her one steady source of support.

Kara had welcomed her back with open arms, so at least there’d been that. Their friendship had resumed as if Alex hadn’t drifted away into nothing for two years. It had only hurt inasmuch as sometimes Kara made Alex think of Astra and their _almost_...well, whatever.

She needs a drink.

Alex makes her way to her bedroom, changing from her slacks and button up shirt into jeans and a t-shirt. She feels slightly better, but the bottle of Johnnie Walker blue in her cabinet will help ease the last of the tension from her muscles.

The glass has barely touched her lips when there’s a knocking at her door. She sets the tumbler down with a frown.

A glance through the peephole has her scowling. She glares through the door, wishing Astra could feel the heat of her anger through the thick layer of wood. “Go away!”

“Alex, please. Just give me a few minutes of your time. I promise not to ever bother you again after.”

If Alex’s stomach lurches a little, she tells herself it’s at the thought of having to face Astra again at all. Not because of the latter part of her declaration.

It takes Alex a moment to unlatch the chain and unlock the door, and she’s quiet as she opens it and stands back to allow Astra entry.

Astra lingers in the foyer, and Alex rolls her jaw as she leads the way further in. She waves a hand at the couch to indicate where Astra can sit, and then Alex is continuing on to where she’d left her drink on the kitchen island.

She fumbles with the tumbler, and as Astra chooses a seat that faces her, she picks it up and swallows its entire contents. It’s a travesty for a whisky meant to be sipped and savored, but Alex needs to prepare herself.

She doesn’t ask if Astra wants anything to drink. She hadn’t wanted Astra to come at all. Really, Astra’s the rude one, coming into her life again after so long without any invitation.

“Thank you for letting me in,” Astra says when it’s clear Alex doesn’t intend to speak first.

Alex shrugs and tucks her hands into her pockets, managing to only take a few steps closer. She still doesn’t speak.

“I’m glad you moved back.”

Once upon a time, Astra saying something like that would have made her happy. Now, it just makes her angry. “Get to the point, Astra.”

Astra’s lips part, and she looks something akin to hurt; the glistening sheen over her eyes and rough swallow only make Alex feel worse, rather than better.

“I’m sorry,” Astra eventually manages to say.

Something inside Alex seems to fracture, and then she’s angrily striding forward. “Sorry? That’s it? That’s all you came here to say?” When she laughs, she sounds anything but amused. Her eyes sting and she gestures wildly. “You accepted a job in Afghanistan, told me you needed time, and then refused to take any of my calls or emails or...anything!”

She feels so furious that it scares her, and so she turns to pace off some of the excessive energy. After Astra had left and failed to respond to any of her attempts at communication, Alex had thought the worst, that something had happened to Astra - until Kara had mentioned speaking with her on the phone. It had been difficult to accept that Astra had simply just cut her out, as if they’d never kissed or--

“I’m sorry,” Astra repeats, voice barely more than a whisper, “I got...I was--things were easier when it was just the two of us. But I...God, was I taking advantage of you?”

The angry energy bleeds out of Alex, and her shoulders droop. She can’t look at Astra. “You know you weren’t, Astra. I was twenty-one, I knew exactly what I was doing.”

“Twenty-one.” Astra sounds tired. “Who really knows what they’re doing at twenty-one? I didn’t.”

And for a few minutes, Alex lets herself think of that perfect summer. She remembers how hard she’d tried to seem mature, confident, but being so worried that one day Astra would wake up and wonder what she was doing with some kid that hadn’t even finished college yet.

The worst part of it had been that when she had been around Astra, all those things were easily forgotten. Astra had been tentative and sweet, and dating her had been both as easy and much harder than dating any other person before (or after). They’d taken things slow, so slow. That’s what had been the most different, and at the time time, Alex had thought that’s what made it better.

When Alex finally speaks again, her voice is hoarse. “That night before you told me you were leaving. Why did...why did we--” but Alex’s voice cracks, and she can’t finish.

The room is silent, save for their rough breathing.

“I was being selfish. I wanted us to...just once. Just, once.”

“It was more than once, if you remember that night at all,” Alex retorts sharply.

At the time, Alex hadn’t understood Astra’s fervor, thinking it the long months of waiting, of stolen kisses and tender private exchanges. She hadn’t understood Astra’s insistence in painting every inch of her skin with her fingertips and mouth, but Alex _had_ understood the goodbye scant hours after they’d woken up.

“Of course I remember.”

And Astra’s voice is so soft and intimate that Alex can’t take it.

Her earlier fury returns, and now she doesn’t hesitate to stalk toward Astra.

For her part, Astra firms her jaw and doesn’t move other than to cant her head just slightly away, ready for what Alex is sure she thinks to be a slap or worse.

A slap isn’t what Alex has in mind, though the kiss she presses against Astra’s lips is anything but kind. It’s sharp and hard - and Astra melts into it all the same.

The way she softens against Alex, raises a hand to pull Alex closer, just makes Alex angrier. She doesn’t want soft and slow and sweet - that had been for _before_ , before Astra had broken her heart.

She returns every soft caress with rough grips and rougher kisses, but Astra only sighs and relaxes into her touch.

Alex squeezes her eyes shut and pushes Astra down on the couch, wanting Astra to shove her away and say how it’s bad or wrong or that Alex is being too rough, but Astra only arches against her and cups her face.

A sob escapes Alex, and she immediately pulls her head away and presses it against the couch. “Why won’t you stop me? Is this what you really came here for?”

“No, Alex.”

The words are quiet, and Alex can’t take not knowing. She pushes up onto her elbows, even as the first of her tears drip freely down her face.

Again Astra cups her face, thumb brushing softly against the moist trail her tears have left.

Alex can’t breathe. Her chest feels like it’s burning.

Astra is looking at her exactly the way she would when they would curl up together and watch movies, or when they’d go on some adventure and end up laughing themselves silly - the way she had when Alex had dared to say something like “I love you” as summer had neared its end.

“I didn’t think you’d even talk to me,” Astra admits quietly; her eyes are roaming Alex’s face in an old familiar way. She takes a deep breath. “Alex, I lo--”

“No,” Alex chokes out, causing a few more tears to spill over. “No, don’t say it.”

Again Astra looks pained, but she nods once and respects Alex’s wish.

Maybe Alex had kissed Astra in hopes of hurting her, the way she’d been hurt just a _little_ , but she finds herself incapable of continuing to try to do so. She swallows around the thickness in her throat and lets her eyes slide shut. “I couldn’t take it if you said that and disappeared again.”

“Oh, _Alex_.”

Alex knows by the way Astra’s said it that she wants to say _sorry_ again, but instead Astra pulls her closer and presses delicate fluttering kisses against her face.

“Let’s take things slow, okay?” Alex says in a hesitant voice.

Warm breath tickles over her lips, and when she opens her eyes she can see that Astra is smiling.

“Okay.”


End file.
